20 Common Mistakes of Eager Leaders

NOTE: The following list was compiled and written by Marshall Goldsmith.
SOURCE: BusinessWeek article (sub. req'd) Jan. 8, 2007

20 Common Mistakes of Eager Leaders

1. Winning Too Much. The need to win at all costs and in all situations—when it matters, when it doesn’t, and when it’s totally beside the point.

2. Adding Too Much Value. The overwhelming desire to add our two cents to every discussion.

3. Passing Judgment. The need to rate others and impose our standards on them.

4. Making Destructive Comments. The needless sarcasms and cutting remarks that we think make us sound sharp and witty.

5. Starting with “No,” “But,” or “However.” The overuse of these qualifiers, which secretly say to everyone, “I’m right. You’re wrong.”

6. Telling the World How Smart We Are. The need to show people we’re smarter than they think we are.

7. Speaking When Angry. Using emotional volatility as a management tool.

8. Negativity. The need to share our negative thoughts, even when we weren’t asked.

9. Withholding Information. The refusal to share information in order to maintain an advantage over others.

10. Failing to Give Proper Recognition. The inability to praise and reward.

11. Claiming Credit We Don’t Deserve. The most annoying way to overestimate our contribution to any success.

12. Making Excuses. The need to reposition our annoying behavior as a permanent fixture so people excuse us for it.

13. Clinging to the Past. The need to deflect blame away from ourselves and onto events and people from our past; a subset of blaming everyone else.

14. Playing Favorites. Failing to see that we are treating someone unfairly.

15. Refusing to Express Regret. The inability to take responsibility for our actions, admit we’re wrong, or recognize how our actions affect others.

16. Not Listening. The most passive-aggressive form of disrespect for colleagues.

17. Failing to Express Gratitude. The most basic form of bad manners.

18. Punishing the Messenger. The misguided need to attack the innocent, who are usually only trying to protect us.

19. Passing the Buck. The need to blame everyone but ourselves.

20. An Excessive Need to Be “Me.” Exalting our faults as virtues simply because they exemplify who we are.

These 20 mishaps are culled from Goldsmith’s newest book, WHAT GOT YOU HERE WON’T GET YOU THERE. Good stuff. Enjoy!

6 Dating Mistakes To Avoid

6 Dating Mistakes To Avoid

DatingAgain101.com


When I decided to write about specific problems people have in dating, I wanted a list of six, but I wasn't sure right off that I could name six.

When I got done with my list, I had 24 problems--and that was just a "rough draft" list.

Dating is a problem, all right..........
..........And unfortunately there are behaviors many of us do that cause us more grief than good.

Coincidentally, there are six I consider most universal.


1. Letting Fear of Rejection Stop You.

If the person has told you several times to go away, sooner or later you ought to accept the rejection and move along.

For most singles, though, the problem is that they pre-reject themselves.

When you decide this person might not want to meet you, wouldn't want to talk to you, or probably isn't interested in getting married right now anyway, you have not escaped rejection.

You've simply kept them from rejecting you, by rejecting yourself.

What counts most in dating is your ability to meet people and to communicate.

Both of these are learned skills.

You aren't necessarily a big hit at first and you get better with practice.

Rejecting yourself guarantees you will not make any progress in that area.

Consequently the 'success' of any social interaction is not in a certain outcome, but in the fact that you got some practice.

And a fringe benefit I've noticed lately--people are much more understanding and tolerant of major flub-ups when the person is making a sincere effort than they are of minor flubs from people who seem to think they already know it all.

2. Get a Phone Number, and Then Not Call.

This is not to say that you absolutely have to call everyone you ever got a number for: sometimes you didn't especially want the number in the first place.

The error here is when you wanted to call, but factors such as being busy and/or being chicken interfered.

Then suddenly you realize it's been so long that if you call now, they may not remember who you are.

One man I know insists that you must call a new number within three days.

There is no need to make a date or any other future plans.

The call can be to simply acknowledge having met the person--"I just called to say hi and that it was nice to meet you at the workshop.

Then, says my friend, you can wait months to call again and it will be acceptable.

But never wait months to call the first time.

3. I don't care; what do you want to do?

On the first few dates everyone is bending over backward to make a good impression, so much so that sometimes we practically stand on our heads rather than to make a firm statement on anything, in case the other person doesn't agree.

This leads to many fun hours sitting around tryinq to decide what to do and where to go on your date.

Solution: if you have agreed to go to dinner, but can't decide where, each must suggest three places (for a handy list of six).

Then each says what they like and/or don't like about each option, weeding things down until there's only one option left.

In other words, if I say "Forget the chicken place," then you must make the next step, such as speaking well of steak or being hesitant about Hunan.

You toss choices back and forth until you've agreed to one. If you still can't agree at this point, now would probably be a good time to break up the relationship.

4. It HAS to be THIS person.

When you meet someone do you get a wild rush of feeling that you will die at any moment unless this person is absolutely crazy about you?

When you're dating, do you agonize over everything you say and everything you do, because this person has to like you?

Now if you tell me you've got to have a pepperoni pizza or you cannot live,

I'm going to be skeptical. If you're so starved you'll settle for dry toast, on the other hand,

I figure this is serious.

This is not to advocate the "Anyone will do" position, by any means, but to give you some perspective.

Yes, you need attention from people; after all, you're a social animal.

No, it does not have to be this person.

Relax. If Abraham Lincoln could figure out that you can't please everybody, you can get it too.

Every person to come along is not the last person to come along. Relax.

5. Watching television.

Watching television may be fine when you're alone and you're too exhausted to move, but it's death on a date.

The point of dating is to get to know each other.

Activities where you are mentally involved and where you interact with each other do the most to help you get acquainted.

Activities where you only observe and are not actively interacting do the least (next to not being around each other at all) to help you get acquainted.

Now if you watch a program and then shut the box off and have a lively debate, then dating is working for you. If you spend four hours sitting parallel in the semi-dark, you're wasting your time.

TV watching is tough enough on established relationships (again, there's no demand on you as individuals).

If TV is all you can think of to do on first dates, better quit dating for a while and spend your time on getting some interests in your life.

6. Too Much Time Too Soon.

Well, when it's working, it's working, and boy is it easy to spend more and more and more time together, especially in the first excitement of getting to know each other.

But sooner or later you are going to have to do your laundry, and visit your family, and see your dentist and taking time away from the relationship can be very difficult indeed.

There seems to be an emotional connection between amount of time and amount of caring, to some people.

And when you say, Listen, I'm going to need my Tuesday evenings free for a while, to some folks you've just carved off and thrown away a chunk of your caring.

While it is possible to negotiate spending less time together and still save the relationship, for most people it's very difficult.

The cure is at the cause; don't rush into committing major chunks of time.

Be alert for patterns. If you're about to ask for your fourth Tuesday date in a row, consider how easy will it be to not call next Tuesday.

Besides, relationships built a little at a time seem to be a lot more solid than those heaped together in a hurry and leave figuring out the details for later.

10 Mistakes That Made Flipping A Flop

UsaToday.com

By Noelle Knox, USA TODAY

SACRAMENTO — If there's a poster child for everything that went wrong in the real estate boom, it just might be Casey Serin.
In one year, the 24-year-old website-designer-turned-real estate-flipper bought eight homes in four states — and in every case but one, he put no money down. At his peak, in April, Serin had $93,000 he'd taken out of the homes as he bought them. By July, he was broke, desperate for one last deal.

Now? Serin has $140,000 in credit card and credit-line debt and five houses in foreclosure. Last month, he started iamfacingforeclosure.com, a blog that's drawn both notes of condolence and expletive-laced condemnation.

"I did some stuff shady, but I'm not going to hide from it," he says. "Somebody can learn from it. I've already had people contact me and say, 'Hey, I'm in the same place.' "

The rise and fall of Casey Serin is a tale with moral and financial lessons for real estate buyers, lenders and regulators. Having consumed real estate guides and seminars, Serin made just about every mistake a newbie could make — most of them, he admits, were no one's fault but his own — from fudging loan applications to buying homes sight-unseen. That he began with bold dreams of class mobility makes his fall a peculiarly American saga.

Serin didn't know much about real estate at 19, when he bought his first condo. As a website designer, Serin was earning $35,000 a year at S.M.A.R.T. Association, a maker of marketing systems for health care providers. He quit to start his own Web-design company but couldn't earn enough to cover his mortgage. So he moved in with his parents and sold the condo a few months later. His profit: $30,000.

"My goal was to reinvest that money," Serin says. "But I also needed a car. My car was falling apart. I used some of it to keep me going, and for living expenses and things. And I used some of it to go on dates."

He also stopped working for three months.

By the time he married in 2004, the money was gone. He and his wife used credit cards to cover living costs because Serin's business wasn't bringing in enough money. When he found a job that summer as a Web designer, the couple had piled up nearly $20,000 in card debt, half of which they'd spent on real estate courses.

He bought Carleton Sheets' No Down Payment real estate program and attended seminars by Russ Whitney, author of The Millionaire Real Estate Mindset, and others.

"Sure, they used pressure sales tactics to get you into it, but looking back on it, I don't regret it," he says. "They told me how to start safe, but I really didn't start safe. I went all out. So it was my own fault."

As with all investors, Serin's goal was to build wealth. He was intrigued by Robert Kiyosaki's Rich Dad, Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids About Money — That the Poor and Middle Class Do Not!

"My eyes were opening up: 'Oh, OK, this is how the world works.' "

Mistake No. 1

Using 'liar loans'


In October 2005, Serin was desperate to pay off credit cards. But he was eager, too, to put his real estate training to use. He sought "a motivated seller — someone who wants to sell quick and doesn't mind giving a discount to get the deal done."

He found a Sacramento couple who'd twice cut the price on their home and were asking $360,000. Aware that the market was softening, Serin successfully bid $330,000, including his closing costs. But he also wanted to pay off his credit cards. So he took out a $360,000 mortgage and asked the sellers to give him $30,000 in cash once the deal closed.

"I was able to qualify for the loan at 100% financing," Serin says. "I used a 'stated-income loan.' It was really higher than I was making, so it was a 'liar loan' — that's what they call them in the industry."

Stated-income loans were created to help people with variable incomes, like commission-sales jobs, qualify for mortgages. Lenders require little or no proof of income, but they charge a higher interest rate to compensate for the risk. Stated-income loans have grown in pricey areas where traditional buyers are stretching past debt-to-income lending ratios, and some lenders turn a blind eye.

In California, 75% of purchase loans this year have little or no documentation of income, up from 34% in 2000, First American LoanPerformancesays.

But Serin also deceived the bank by saying he'd live in the home. Banks typically charge higher rates and require larger down payments for investment properties.

"Lying on a mortgage application is a federal crime," says Joseph Falk of the National Association of Mortgage Brokers. "It includes bank fraud, wire fraud and mail fraud and potentially a host of state offenses. This can result in jail time."

At the time, though, Falk says some lenders were willing to ease their criteria for borrowers because, with housing prices surging, they knew they likely wouldn't lose money even if the loan went bad.

Mistake No. 2

Overpaying


Serin flipped the Sacramento house immediately, and agreed to purchase the buyer's old house. But Serin's buyer needed to put 20% down and had to pay a penalty to the bank for paying off his mortgage early. So Serin helped him out at his own expense.

"I paid too much for his house," he concedes. And since he'd already used cash from the first house to pay off credit cards, Serin took out a $10,000 credit line for repairs on the buyer's old house.

Mistake No. 3

Lacking cash


Serin put the second house on the market but lacked the money for the $2,500 monthly mortgage, plus his rent and payments on the credit line. So he rented the house with an option to buy it later. Acting in haste, he rented to tenants who could pay just $1,400 a month.

"I got desperate," he says. "I couldn't flip it, and I had to stop the bleeding."

Mistake No. 4

Quitting your day job


"Now, I'm thinking I've got negative cash flow, I've got the credit line. I need to do more deals."

As the California real estate market hit the skids in late 2005, investors began looking in such states as New Mexico, Texas and Utah, where prices were still climbing. Serin, with dreams of becoming a full-time investor, decided to take three weeks off work in January and go to New Mexico.

"My goal was this: to find enough deals in three weeks that I could put under (a sales) contract ... so I could have enough in the pipeline so that it's safe for me to quit my job. If I can't get anything out there, then I go back to my job. But in my mind, I was already succeeding, and I wasn't looking back." He bought two homes in New Mexico with no money down and liar loans. He took back $20,000 in cash — enough to carry his payments for a while. Back in Sacramento, he gave two weeks' notice.

Mistake No. 5

Hiring an unlicensed contractor


Serin next bought a house in Modesto, Calif., that he'd found through the Internet. The deal was packaged by a "wholesaler." A wholesaler finds an under-priced home, puts it under contract and then transfers it to an investor in exchange for a fee of $5,000 to $15,000.

The house was appraised at $380,000; Serin paid $323,000, including closing costs and $15,000 he got back from the seller. The wholesaler "told me the repairs that needed to be done, but it was a lot more than he described."

Serin hired a contractor, but when he sought the license number, he couldn't find any records. The contractor said the work would take a month or two. After three months, the job was only half done and the contractor wanted more money.

Mistake No. 6

Buying sight-unseen


The sixth home Serin bought was in Utah. A developer had subdivided a tract and sold off the lots for custom homes. The last lot had a 25-year-old house on it.

"I bought it sight-unseen," Serin recalls. The developer "told me, 'It's outdated; you just have to update everything.' I didn't realize, not only is it outdated; it's awkward looking. ... Every room had a different color carpet. Some rooms had a photo-type wallpaper with nature scenes."

He realized that the $18,000 in cash he pulled out of the deal wouldn't begin to cover the renovation needed. He put the house back on the market and left town.

Mistake No. 7

Buying out of state


On the trip to see the Utah property, Serin stopped in New Mexico. One of the homes he'd bought there was rented; the other was on the market but not selling. Fearing he'd soon have to start paying the mortgage, Serin tried to rent it out with an option to buy. "I was even saying, 'You don't need to put anything down, just show me you have a good job, good credit and take over," he says. "But I couldn't do it fast enough. I was only there a week and a half."

Mistake No. 8

Buying too many properties too fast


The seventh house was near Sacramento.

"I basically used up all of the equity... and the market is already going down," Serin says. "But it made sense to me at the time because I'll take the $50,000 (cash back from the seller). I'm finding it takes a lot more money than I thought, and what if I run out of the money I already took out?"

The mounting financial pressure was getting to the young flipper. "I'm thinking about how to use the cash (backs) wisely and keep everything afloat," Serin says. "I realize I'm buying way too much. I'm not able to manage it all. And it just sort of happened. By April, I had six houses."

But he didn't stop buying. He was caught up in the frenzy.

Mistake No. 9

Underestimating remodeling costs


In May, he snatched up a house in Dallas. "I thought it was going to be my best deal so far, because of the spread," he says.

The wholesaler said the property was appraised at $310,000, and the owners would sell it for $190,000, but it had to close quickly. Unable to get another loan so fast, Serin went to a private lender, who appraised the property at $275,000. To get the loan, Serin had to put down $30,000 and put $30,000 more into escrow to cover the needed repairs.

Sight unseen, Serin went for it.

When he finally saw it, he said, "The layout was weird. There was a garage conversion, which I knew about, but because of my inexperience I didn't know the garage conversion kills it because very few people want an extra room. Most people want the garage."

Serin thought he could renovate the property for $15,000.

"I ended up spending $30,000," he said. "It ended up being a monster."

His bank balance was dwindling. Serin was also burning cash traveling between his properties. He purses his lips and inhales sharply. "That's the sound I was hearing."

Mistake No. 10

Having a poor exit strategy


Having just read How to Sell Your Home in 5 Days by Bill Effros, Serin flew to New Mexico in June and auctioned the vacant house in one week, eking out a tiny profit. He tried it a week later in Texas. A disaster. Just three low bids.

By July, Serin was out of cash and living off credit cards. He took out more lines of credit to try to keep pace with his mortgages. He wanted to go for one last deal in New Mexico. His wife saw copies of the letters he'd written to the banks.

"She's like, 'I don't want no fishy business.' "Part of me is like, 'Well, I know it's not right. I know I'm lying to the banks, but I've got to do what I've got to do. I got into this mess. I've got to get out somehow.' And it was like, once you make one lie, you've got to keep lying, in a way."

His last loan was rejected, and Serin hit bottom. The bills for his mortgages and other debts total $20,000 a month. He's says he's determined to pay off his loans. He's considering bankruptcy, restructuring the loans and trying to get another Web-design job.

Serin's current situation is bleak. He is currently unemployed as is his wife, who has gone back to college to get an accounting degree. They rent an apartment and have $140,000 in debt, and the remaining five houses he owns are facing foreclosure.

Yet, ever the optimist, he says, "There might be some other possibilities in the works right now for some additional real estate deals that would be completely aboveboard and allow me to make some money.

"There are some wholesaling opportunities where you find a contract and sell it to another investor. You can make 5, 10 or 15 grand on that stuff. That's enough to almost carry it for a month."

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The Eight Mistakes Car Buyers Make

MarketWatch.com

NEW YORK (MarketWatch) -- Befuddled about buying a new car? You're not alone. But don't let the prospect of a shiny new vehicle trip you into spending more than you need to or falling for dealer tricks.

Consumer Reports outlines the eight biggest mistakes buyers make when shopping for a new car:

1. Being pressured to act. It's OK to move at your own pace -- don't let yourself get bullied into buying before you're ready. When you do put down a deposit, use a credit card instead of writing a check. You'll have more protection if there is something fishy with the dealer.

2. Taking dealers at their word. Are you offered free oil changes or other perks? Get them in writing. Don't settle on just a verbal agreement -- have it written into the contract.

3. Financing for longer than 48 months. If you settle for a long-term loan, you're likely going to pay a higher interest rate. And if the car is stolen, wrecked or you just want to trade it in early, you'll probably owe more than it's worth.

4. Buying unnecessary extras. You'll be offered all sorts of "important" extras such as VIN glass etching, fabric protection or extended service. They can get expensive and you probably won't even need or use them.

5. Opting for dealer financing without shopping around. Don't just go for the dealer's rate. Do some research on the current loan rates and look for good offers from banks, online sources or credit unions.

6. Not negotiating a lease price. You can bargain for a lease price just as you would if you were buying the car.

7. Leasing because you can't afford to buy. It's true that you'll have a lower monthly payment, but you'll probably pay a much higher finance charge. At the end of the lease period, you won't even own the car. If you are strapped for cash, consider buying a used car instead.

8. Talking about trade-ins early in the process. Wait to mention your old car trade-in until after you've completed your negotiations on the new one.

Marshall Loeb, former editor of Fortune, Money, and The Columbia Journalism Review, writes "Your Dollars" exclusively for MarketWatch.

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